Wednesday, September 3, 2003

We might as well talk about it…

2003 MTV Video Music Awards- the BGLU recap by Toya

Each year, the VMA’s get worse and worse as music continues to get worse and worse. However, this year did not suck as badly as I expected. This was probably due to the delightful commentary of my co-host Tia. Had I been left alone to fend for myself watching the awards, I probably would have missed most of it. Let’s begin.

Least Shocking Moment: The Madonna/Xtina/Britney kiss. Yes, LEAST shocking. When Madonna came out as the groom I immediately thought to myself “They are going to make out.” Why? Because honestly, there is nothing else left for them to do. Michael, Madonna and Janet have pretty much done it all. Madonna arrived out of the wedding cake as if to say “These are my minions. I have discipled them in the ways of the wicked. Love them, embrace them, but don’t forget who started this @*!%”.

Most Shocking Moment: Eminem shaking Justin Timberlake’s hand. Remember when Eminem had that song that talked about Nsync and Backstreet Boys and it went “And I can’t wait to see all you faggots in public.”? Is he really a kinder, gentler, under anger management Eminem? Or is it all an act? This question is rhetorical of course. It didn’t take us watching 8 Mile for me to know that Eminem has acting skills.

Most Welcomed Return: Tie- Duran and Duran and Chris Rock. Chris Rock hands down gave the best monologue in years by simply saying what we most of us have been thinking all along: how in the world do you call yourself having an awards show and yet you don’t show any videos. They need to stop playin’.

Seeing Duran Duran together almost made me cry but my tears of joy were interrupted by a fit of rage when their tribute went a wry. Sure, we can make sure that 50 Cents bigger than life size goblet gets on stage in time but we can’t pay a fitting tribute to the Godfathers of music video. Shame, shame. As always, John Taylor looked hot and Andy Taylor didn’t look so bad either. Umm, anybody know how I can get my makeup to look as tight as Nick Rhodes? Golly dang!

The Inevitable “Moment that made us almost too ashamed to be black”- Snoop Dogg’s girls on leashes. We loved when Kurt Loder turned to him and said, “What’s your deal?” We know we all were thinking the same thing.

My Personal Favorite Moment of the entire show: Justin dancing to “Get Low” by Lil’ Jon. I normally HATE songs like this. I don’t know what I’ll do if I hear one more song telling me to drop that, shake that, move that, or whatever. However, my cousins love this song and whenever I hear it I think of them and it makes me smile. Anyway, when they cut to Justin and he had that “Aww shucks, don’t stop, get it, get it!” look on his face, I lost it.

Most Overexposed Celebrity of the Night: Hate to say it but Justin Timberlake. Next time, just give him a Justin cam or have him give commentary during the show. MTV seemed to be too interested in what his reactions were. I did however enjoy his reaction that said “Yall see this foolishness?” when Britney came out.

Best Performance of the Night: I wish I could say Coldplay, but I zoned out and missed a good part of it. Surprisingly, I enjoyed Xtina’s performance although I wouldn’t even watch her when we went to see the Justified and Stripped tour in Atlanta. Regardless of how she acts, that girl can sing. I thought she did a great job.

Funniest “wasn’t supposed to be funny” moment: Beyonce’ getting caught up in her own weave. I am no hater, in fact I am definitely a Beyonce’ fan. Being from New Jersey, I know how humid it can get. I kind of felt sorry for her but laughed myself silly nonetheless.

Celebrity We Felt Most Embarrassed For: Kelly Osbourne. You could hear crickets while she and Avril were onstage with Duran Duran. She tried to be witty, but what can you do? She’s British, we’re not.

Celebrity We Are Most Proud Of: ODB AKA Dirt McGirt. Grant it, when they showed him on the red carpet, he looked heavily sedated. Nonetheless, he didn’t make a scene like the infamous Grammy “Wu Tang is for the children” fiasco. We are so proud of you, ODB. “Down with dope, up with hope”, “hugs not drugs”, yeah, all that.

Moment that rendered us speechless: Missy Elliot’s “Caddyshack meets Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” get up. When they showed her, Tia and I let out a simultaneous “Wow.” We couldn’t say much else. That was so very…special.

Most Missed Celebrity- While we are still missing Jam Master Jay, Aaliyah and Johnny Cash who could not appear because of he was suddenly rushed to the hospital earlier this week, our most missed celebrity this year was God. Yes, God. If you noticed, not even Beyonce' thanked God. Although He was on the guest list, it was pretty clear by this year's VMA circus of debauchery from the gay, threesome wedding to the Pimps Up Hoes Down reunion held on stage by 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg, God was nowhere to be found by the human eye at the VMA's. While we usually roll our eyes when celebrities walking the fine line of immorality thanked God, it was nice to hear His name. Maybe they are getting the hint that He is just simply not pleased.

So there you have it, our recap. We want to hear your thoughts as well so let the games begin.

An Annex

Toya touched on Chris Rock's monologue, which I must say was one of the wittiest that I've heard in recent years. But I have to reference a particular comment. Without a doubt, the BEST repartee of the night was, and I quote, "Good Charlotte...? More like a mediocre Green Day."

Chris Rock, I offer kudos and homage for your persiflage. You made my night worthwhile.

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