Friday, June 6, 2003

Back WHAT Thang Up?

I don’t know one girl who is completely satisfied with her “girly parts”. A couple of nights ago, Tia and I were wondering why we have been cursed with the imperfections of our individual bodies. I’ll let Tia share hers with you as she so desires but as for me, I have no shame so here goes: I have no butt.

While I like to herald myself as a hero of anti-stereotypical qualities, being a sista with “dumps like a truck, thighs like what” like Sisquo speaks of in “The Thong Song” is a stereotype that I would like to have met. After all, aren’t all “true sistas” supposed to have devastatingly round, plump behinds? It’s bad enough I grew up talking like a valley girl so you can imagine that the fact there is no maximus in my gluteus, has been a hard thing to deal with. I have many theories of why I don’t have a butt. One is, I am shaped like my dad’s side of the family where the bootys are FLAT AS A BOARD, but the boobies are in an over abundance. No, I didn’t get those either. Another theory is that when I was a baby, it was blown off in some unfortunately tragic incident; One so tragic, that I don’t remember and no one will speak of it. Another theory is that while God handed out bootys in heaven, Jennifer Lopez walked up to me in line and said “Hey isn’t that Jordan Knight”? Naively, I was distracted and when, she got in front of me, she took hers and stole mine. Whatever the reasoning may be, I am bootyless.

It’s amazing to me how so much focus is placed on a body part that you merely sit on. Honestly, how sexy can a butt be when you think of its purpose? Okay, now I sound like a hater. Do you blame me though? We have booty anthems for goodness sake: “Feelin’ On Your Booty”, “Back That Thing Up”, “Baby Got Back” and of course “Doin’ the Butt”. Ask me if I have ever done “The Butt”? No! Why? Because sadly enough, I just can’t.

I grew up in a family of butt men. They refer to booty as “bubbles”. Since I was a child I have had to deal with my dad and uncle scoping out booty. “Hey man, bubble at 2:00.” This has of course affected my brother, the funniest and yet the meanest person alive, who once pointed out that my butt looks like my back just kept going. Because I have seen first hand how men check out other women’s behinds, I am especially cautious that mine is as well covered as possible. If that’s not possible, my roommates can agree that there have been many occasions where I have walked into a room asking, “Does my butt look embarrassingly flat in these jeans?”

It is of no surprise to me that females are so self-conscious about there bodies. The media would have you think that all white women are skinny and all black women need to look like video girls. The fault is not to be entirely placed on men either. Ladies, how many times have you sat with a girlfriend or two watching TV and you hear ”Oh, she is getting big” or “She is so flat chested” or “She is not all that, look at her nose”. We measure each other up because in our minds, we constantly compare ourselves. Unlike men, we don’t have to question our heterosexuality if we check another woman out to see if there stomach is flatter than ours, if their thighs jiggle like ours or in my case, if their butt is as flat as ours. Misery loves company. We want to know if we look as good or better. It’s sad. It’s true.

So at the end of Tia’s and my “girly parts” conversation, Tia assured me that I have great legs. Thanks roomie! Also, we remembered that God is the great creator who designs us fearfully and wonderfully for our purpose and with any luck, my husband will be a leg man. Yeah, okay. And putting the booty thing aside, I am now more comfortable with my body and the way I look more than ever before in my whole life. A couple from my church last week confessed that they both think that I am absolutely beautiful and did I think the same thing. I told them no, but I do think I am cute which is a huge step from how I felt in high school (I don’t know too many girls who think they are cute in high school). I am okay with cute. Cute is pleasant, approachable and comes from the inside. So I think that my being attractive is more of a reflection of who God has molded me to be. That’s what matters to me most anyway. Proverbs 31 is a whole chapter about the ideal woman. None of the verses mention how round her behind is or how perky her breasts are. It does say, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30). You can’t help being born buttless or boobless, but you do have a say on how well you treat others and yourself. Even Pam Anderson took her implants out cause she gets it. God looks at the heart and we should too, not just the heart of others but ourselves as well. So ladies give yourselves a break. Be flat, be proud, and be happy.

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