Saturday, April 19, 2003

Where do broken hearts go?
by Tia

I was going to write a scathing article about the Gospel Music Association. (And I still plan on doing that.) But for some reason this topic has been on my mind. So I figured why not.

Have you ever had your heart broken? I mean really broken. If you can say no then count it all joy. You know the old saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all?”…..IT’S CRAP. Who ever came up with that mess has never been so broken that they pulled a Crying Game moment.. If heartache is so easy to deal with then why do so many people write songs about it? Why do seemingly normal peoples’ worlds implode on them when it happens?

I went through a really tragic break-up not too long ago. It was the stuff that Lifetime movies are made of. The kind of heartache that crushes your very spirit and rocks you to the fibers of you existence. It’s still hard to think about sometimes. I began to question who I was as a person. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. “What did I do wrong?” “How could I have been a better girlfriend?” It took a long, long, long time for me to realize that even though it wasn’t completely my fault, I was somewhat to blame for part of the devastation.

I had a feeling early on that he wasn’t the one for me. Tell tale signs and certain incidents were nipping at the frays of my mind. But I rolled on like a trooper. I figured I could “make this work.” But the thing about it was it wasn’t SUPPOSED to work. We weren’t supposed to be together, regardless of what my hormones (disguised as my heart) said. I have this theory. I feel like God created ONE person for most everyone. (Of course there are those who are okay with a life of celibacy, but we’re not talking about them and I don’t know any of them anyway.) But I feel like in his sovereignty God, made one for you and one for me. Of course there are runners-up. The ones that would make us happy and love us the best way they know how but ultimately they’re not our soul mate. It’s like the Miss America pageant. There is nothing wrong with the 50 girls that are on stage. They’re all great. But in the end the judges have to pick the one they like best. Dating is sometimes like that. I might make him happy, but I’m not the one he likes best.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Too often we are so eager to find the one that “likes us best” that we freely give out hearts away without thinking. We “love” with the strength of ten men, blindly moving forward b/c we think that we can. Our heart tells us we can do it. And then when it doesn’t work, that same heart cries out in pain for it’s broken pieces to be restored.

And what do we do after the turmoil? A lot of us pick ourselves up, dust our broken hearts off and get back into the game. What we don’t realize is we left a little piece of our hearts behind. Have you ever dropped a glass and had it shatter on the floor? You sweep it all up and go about your business, right? Wrong! A couple of days later you realize you didn’t get it all up as you bunny hop out of the kitchen leaving a trail of blood behind you. I think that’s how some break-ups are. With every relationship we leave a piece of ourselves behind. And if we’re not careful, by the time we do meet Mr./Miss Right we have nothing more to offer them than a bunch of broken pieces with duct tape holding them together and bloody feet.

Now before you go thinking I’m Ja-Ja-Jaded (That’s an Aerosmith song for those of you who didn’t know) hear me when I say that I’m not. But I am a little bit wiser. I realize that love is a verb and as such I can’t except to not put it into action. I love strong, big and long. But I also love smart. I’ve stopped giving my heart away to just any ‘ole body. I long to love the best and I know that God has that for me. But I also know that wookin’ pa nub in all the wrong places is not going to get me to the best any faster. So that’s why I choose to wait. I choose to guard my heart, but not to be guarded. I realize that this time of waiting is also a time of restoration. A time for the pieces of my broken heart to be put back together.

I know that it’s coming. That rush, that feeling, that passion that loves brings with it. And because I have an idea of how good it can be I’ll wait for it. Great things are worth waiting for. I won’t buy into the hype of love the one you’re with. I like the idea of love the one you’re for, better.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

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