Monday, April 14, 2003

Are You My Daddy? Written by Toya.
Something peculiar happens to a woman who is past 25 and single: she can sometimes catch herself wondering if each new guy she meets is "the one". My friend calls it "having your antennae up". It's terrible because you really have to check yourself upon meeting someone new. For the most part, I am incredibly happy. Every once in a blue moon, I used to think that I soon wanted to be married until reality tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me of that pesky commitment problem I have. Everyday, you have to wake up to the same person, who you are supposed to love unconditionally to the point where they can fart in bed or play air guitar and you can't leave them? Boggles the mind.

Last week, Tia and I went to a hip hop show downtown to see our roommate perform. This particular event brought in a lot of out of towners. As we walked in our friend Durk commented to Tia “hopefully this will make you like hip hop again”. (I think our site is getting popular! Yeah!). Well we did fall in love with hip hop again. Not the bling bling, Cristol poppin', gold fronts having (well someone did sneak up in there with some gold fronts. We still don’t know how he got in.) fa├žade. But the baggy jeans, Puma jackets, dreads under the knit cap (wait, I need to get a fan, GOOD LORD!) kind of brothers of all colors. I walked back through the crowd one time to find someone and came back and told my girls that I was forbidden to walk through any more. Tia asked why and I told her to walk through and see for herself. In about 5 minutes, she came back with eyes as big as saucers that read "as soon as our roommate gets done performing, we need to leave". Why? In Nashville, you pretty much have one of two types of guys: Rock stars and ones who want to be rock stars. Emaciated, high maintenance, sometimes suspiciously effeminate, rock stars. And the ones that aren't, are married or college students. As Tia said one day, if you are in Economics 101 while I am at work applying my Economics 101, I don't think we have been called to walk together covenantly. Then again, I am one who believes that God has one person for everyone and because I look close to 10 years younger than what I am, my future husband probably will be graduating college this year. Hopefully before he becomes a professional skateboarder (Tia would like to add that her husband will probably also be graduating this year and will be a professional surfer. Hopefully they will have a business together. Some sort of skate/surf shop type thing... Digression, yet again)... I spent a good part of the night trying to keep my antennae down. (A little aside:Durk didn't help by who he chose to host the thing :O) Man, did we appreciate you that night, Durk! But it's all about the music,really. Yeah, that's it.).

The bible says “One that finds a wife finds a good thing”. This implies that it is the man’s job to find a wife and a woman’s job to go about her business and to “be anxious for nothing” as the Word also says. But one can’t help but wonder. It’s not a longing feeling, just a wondering feeling. Kind of like the feeling you get the day before Christmas or your birthday. But why do we wonder? Is it because we can’t wait to know who we will love always even when his breath is stanking in the morning? Who is the one that we will have to send on that inevitable trip to the store for Maxi Pads? Who is the person that we will like best out of everyone in the world? Not love, but genuinely like?

And even more so, we wonder who will love us unconditionally and think we are beautiful. EVERY woman, I don’t care how much of a feminist, women’s libber you are wants to be told that they are beautiful. Every woman wants to know that they have been chosen over all of the others. Every woman wants to be in love and be loved. And when my mind starts to wonder and I start to dream about what my and mister “hi, my name is…” kids are going to look like, the Holy Spirit brings this quote by Pope John Paul II to memory:

"It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; he is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; he is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is he who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is he who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is he who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal."

Realistically, any woman that finds herself pining away for Mister Right (or Right Now) is ultimately seeking for a father, more specifically THE Father. No one else can fill our deepest longings to be loved as He does. It is not humanly possible. So many friendships fail because of the expectations we put on other human beings. For example, our friend Todd is a great catch. He recently commented that he has had to have the “where is our relationship going” conversation with at least 3 women because he opened the door for them and had a casual conversation. That is pathetic. I mean okay, yeah, we think it, but we should have enough sense not to say it.

It’s time to put love in it’s proper perspective. It’s not what we see on reality shows or soap operas or what we hear in mushy love songs. It is, according to 1 Corinthians, not self seeking. As women, let’s not be so self seeking with our antennaes up but bask in the glowing love of the one that has already proven that he has the unconditional love that we are all wanting.

No comments: